Father has been calling since last month checking if a commemorative video of the 2011 season of the National Basketball Association is out in the market. He makes all these calls just to make sure I get one for him. Insane. I guess he is just reminding me since am no fan of the Dallas Mavericks. Not that I hate Dirk or Cuban but I just lost real interest for the game after Michael Jordan retired. Papa remained a fan. He has videos of past champs including the Spurs, the Pistons, the Celtics and the Lakers. But I remained a true Jordan disciple for I never tried to touch his collection. So it felt strange shelling a couple of pesos for Dirk and his first championship ring. Felt stranger watching it a couple of nights ago. Felt strangest to feature it as the first DVD review post of this blog. The attraction lays in the unadulterated fact that Kobe and Lebron got b*tchslapped in the last season. To see a puckered Black Mamba sitting like a pissed-off diva on the bench is precious. To relieve the horrible three-point attempts and chickening-out passes to Mario Chalmers of Bron is pure personal entertainment. This post is a bit different as invited three reviewers and cannot be more different from one another.
ME: Id. Ego. Superego. Good afternoon.
EGO: Good afternoon. I like this frappucino but must you spend this much for a coffee?
SUPEREGO: I agree. These cafes are not serving coffee but caloric time bombs disguised as melted candies. Apologies for the strong language.
ID: The hell…let her spend her hard-earned cash. Sup Boss.
ME: Thanks Id. You all got the memo this is going to be a review so f*ck moralizing.
SUPEREGO: Goodness gracious! Do not use foul language in public places.
EGO: I got it. I got. No need to drop f-bombs. Start rolling.
ME: Good. Over-all impression. Is this worth it?
EGO: If you’re a Mavericks freak…
SUPEREGO: That and the unfolding drama of the league’s perennial heartbreak kids finally reaching the top is quite special.
ID: Notice all the Jason Terry interview clips? Man. It is C-R-E-E-P-Y. He is looking straight in the camera like he is going to taunt the Miami Heat at one point. I bet this is going to be a nightmare for LeBrick.
SUPEREGO: Stop the hate.
ID: I mean LeRingless
ME (snickers): Cut it out. How does this compare with previous official Finals DVD?
EGO: Can only compare it to the Bulls because never even took a peek on the others.
ME: Right. Go ahead.
EGO: You do have an issue against the narrator.
ME: Yes! I miss the previous narrators. Seems Ahmad Rashad does not have gravitas going for him. Just does not sound authoritative. I mean he knows a lot about the game and has been a league fixture but the strength of narrators lies in their voices. There is a special and OBVIOUS reason Morgan Freeman narrates ANYTHING.
SUPEREGO: I agree but time might help him.
ID: Denzel Washington did some narration them. The coolest!
SUPEREGO: Gorgeous Denzel. Amen.
EGO: Best dunks video?
ME: Yes. In terms of distribution of topics.
SUPEREGO: Nice of them to include a brief history of the team. Never knew they we’re play-offs material back then.
ID: Rolando Blackman
ME: Right. Nice piece of information there. Blackman is a Mavericks original. One of the most underrated of all-time.
EGO: Regular season is just OK but the play-offs part is a bit inadequate.
SUPEREGO: Too tame.
ID: Super E requiring some bad-as*ness. Spill it: the Lakers scuffle is not included.
EGO: You like that one because Ron Artest is all id.
ID: Hold it there Ms. Balanced and Normal. I confess I lack proper judgement but to place me in the same planet as Artest is irresponsible. I am all id but he is pure mental.
SUPEREGO (laughs): Nice one.
ME: Think so too. Look at those Bulls documentaries. Some of the best highlights there are the heated match-ups against the Knicks. Same against the Pistons. Underlines the progress of the Bulls.
ID: Progress? More like the rest of the Bulls other than Jordan FINALLY DEVELOPING A PAIR.
EGO (laughs): True that. Dirk and the rest of the team defeated the defending champs because of their methodical offense and defense but the implosion of the Lakers also contributed to their demise. Dumping it in the cutting floor just does not present a balance opinion of the series.
SUPEREGO: Plus it is fun.
ME: You are stealing lines from Id.
ID: Super E is just realizing the perks of an Id.
EGO: The filmmakers got it right for the Oklahoma Thunders series. Put a lot of attention to Kevin Durant as an emerging superstar. He and Derrick Rose made quite a splash last season. Looks like the Bulls are back.
ME: I miss the old Bulls. I like Rose but he needs a proper big man. Noah is energetic and all but is not enough to provide strength in the middle. Had it been Durant and Rose in the Finals?
ID: Epic. Like a middle finger to the old-timers and the man from the Indecision.
SUPEREGO: You hate him so much.
ID: Because he has EVERYTHING going for him. Let us see: 1) athleticism 2) size and 3) skills. EVERYTHING EXCEPT DESIRE! Moving to Heat doomed him. He is just going to be a sidekick because his superstar friend has killer instincts. Boss here adores him because he reminds him of the old Jordan.
ME: That is right. He has the Jordan thing going for him.
EGO: Not Kobe?
ME: Do not mention his name in the same thought as Jordan.
SUPEREGO: Bosh?
ME: He looks like a pterodactyl.
ID: So true.
ME: Notice the coughing fits scandal did not also make the cut?
EGO: So much gold in the trash bin.
SUPEREGO: Conscious cover-up of the childish antics of the Heat superstars?
ID: Could be.
ME: Summing it up: 1) there is much to be desired in the general documentation 2) the narrator is uninspiring and 3) it is a bit too tame. Feedback on the bonus features?
SUPEREGO: I like the Jason Kidd part. Sort of a tribute to a long-time superstar finally hoisting a championship trophy though it is really all about his terrific court vision. Clip of Kidd going up against Yao Ming in an inbound situation AND delivering an alley-oop pass is astounding.
EGO: Should he do a Cariaso?
ME: You mean retire as a champion?
EGO: Yes.
ID: Some basketball career. Grandslammer as a rookie then retired as a champion. Cariaso is not a superstar but a consistent and superb baller. He is one inspiring captain. No offense meant to Patrimonio.
SUPEREGO: Id is not meaning to offend?
ID: Do not use such tone Prude One.
ME: Cut it out. The other bonus features include one touching off-court activity of Jason Terry.
EGO: He and his daughter Jasonia…
ID: Naming his daughter Jasonia speaks so much about him.
ME: Shut up. Let Ego speak.
EGO: He and his daughter Jasonia spends quality time during game practices. His daughter is part of her grade school basketball team while Jason coaches the girls. Turns out Terry is a terrific father despite his on-court arrogance.
ID: Terrific Terry. No doubt Noli Eala will call him as such if he is still a game commentator.
ME: Remember his idea of calling Ali Peek as the Ice Peek because he has cool moves in the paint?
SUPEREGO (laughs): Do not forget his brilliant proposal…
ID: …of meriting three points for successful dunks. Damn.
EGO: This brings into question: does the patented step back jumper of Dirk merits three-points in Planet Eala.
ME (laughs): You three are FUNNY. There is also bonus feature on that and includes reactions from his usual defenders.
ID: Persuading other people to comment on his remarkable shot must be hard.
EGO: Like asking Hatton to comment on the punching skills of Pacquiao.
SUPEREGO: Or the Ultimate Jordan bonus feature Greatest Jordan Moments.
ME: Yes! Cliff Robinson response hit the jackpot. “I do not think I have a favorite Jordan moment.” Number 23 tormented him for SIX three-points shot in a single half. You think he has a FAVORITE Jordan moment?!
EGO: Who comes up with these stupid interview questions?
ID: Idiots.
SUPEREGO: Bonus feature Dirk the Gunslinger?
ID: Fail.
ME: Why?
ID: Because Dirk is a hulking German and does not fit the bill of a gunslinger even if he is playing for Dallas. More like an assassin. The German Assassin sounds better.
EGO: Right. Last feature is on the improbable last quarter comeback in Game 2 of the Finals.
SUPEREGO: Boss fell asleep.
ME: Yeah. The excitement is lost because it should have included the lead build-up of the Heat to add a better context. The fall makes sense if the rise is included. To end this discussion: 3 best highlights and alphabetical rating.
EGO: 1) series against the Heat 2) Jason Kidd feature and 3) Rick Carisle as a Celtics champion then as a triumphant coach. Rating: B-
SUPEREGO: 1) brief history of the team 2) regular season run and 3) Jason Terry as a father. Rating: B.
ID: 1) an extended clip of Deshawn Stevenson swagger walk 2) enthusiastic and underarm-perspiring cheering moments of Mark Cuban and 3) an old clip of Nowitzki in a Titanic haircut and Nash in a pre-solo career Justin Timberlake do. Rating: B-
ME: There it is. I also go for a B-.
Note: The 2011 Finals Official DVD is available in all leading record stores and sells for Php550.
